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Self Care Compassion for Teachers 1hr

Added Sep 17, 2020 •

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all right slow so we actually have approximately an hour together I'm in a walk you through some very basic self-care strategies you can tell by the title here you know just kind of an exasperated title we're going to need a lot of self-care at this time so I'm really speaking to all of us are going to be entering the school system in whatever capacity rather be face-to-face rather be virtual online teaching rather be staggered schedule weather be a combination all of the above we are really going to have to take care of ourselves during the school year there's a lot going on in order to take care of ourselves a lot of people mention self care term that is tossed around quite a bit but often what's missing is clear actionable doable steps and so I'm going to run you through a very quick our of a clear actionable research-based step that will hopefully take care of yourself as we head on into a new school year whatever that school year may look like I'm also hoping that you can go back and look at this recording to pick up some some new skills that you might have missed the first time through and so let's go ahead and get started what I'm going to do in regards to research I'm going to be referring to Kristin Neff now her research is all around self compassion and you might be asking yourself I thought this was self-care you know how does that relate to self compassion well in all reality we cannot offer ourselves any type of self-care if we don't know how to be compassionate with ourselves so that's the first point in order to be compassionate we have to be able to do self-care so they're very intermingled and very intertwined regards to self-compassion hears really what the research says no one no matter what difficult time you're going through no matter what crises no matter what struggle adversity whatever situation is going on at the time I just know that if you're able to practice self-compassion and there's three specific phases to This research is self-compassionate research if you're able to practice those three phases you're actually going to come out more healthier you're going to come out less car it doesn't mean that something is not going to hurt or harm you or cause a scar but you're actually going to come out of it with less scarring you going to come out of it more well then someone who maybe doesn't have any skill set under the self-compassion umbrella person that's actually did a lot of research with veterans and what she found out is that veterans that range really high with self-compassion practices actually did much better than that PP Steve a lesson their symptoms and healed from their situation and it doesn't mean that they didn't have hurt and harm done but they actually were able to come out quite well compared to the group that didn't have any pain these are practices regarding self-compassion is very low with self-compassion what we saw with that group of veterans is that their PTSD symptoms more significant much harder begin to heal and come out of that instead of eps symptoms really began to ravage their life and take hold of their life so once again when I'm going to be referring to today in referencing the day is Kristen Ness research and she just lets us know we have you conduct ourselves with the highest level of self-compassion meeting would have to learn the three phases of self-compassion so that we can come out of this with this little scarring as possible and really learn how to take care of ourselves can't just toss the term self-care even can't be at the school and tell another teacher that struggling no just practice self-care it's a little bit more than that and that's what I'm hoping to give you today I'm going to walk you through the three phases of self-compassionate from crystal meth and I'll throw in some other researchers as we go along cuz I really want these steps to be like I said doable and actionable not just a theory where you listen for an hour and you're done and you leave and you've got nothing I really wanted to build up your toolbox so here we go the three specific themes in the research related to self compassion are these three themes that you see on the screen simple concept of mindfulness right and we use the term mindfulness quite a bit lot of times we don't break it down and then explain exactly what that means a lot of people mistake mindfulness is simply engaging in meditation on occasion and actually mind from this is all is a lot more than that meditation and yoga and and breathing and all of those things one way that you can be mindful that there are thousands of ways thousands of practices that you can do that are mindful in a quick definition on the screen you see this but it says self-compassion involves recognizing when we're stressed we're struggling without being judgemental or overreacting so I'm going to walk you through some actual actionable steps on how to do that to increase your sense of mindfulness and remember that's just one of the themes under self-compassion the second one is kindness being supportive understanding towards ourselves when we're having a hard time rather than just being harshly self-critical and actually many of us do that we we can talk pretty awful talk to ourselves we can make a situation worse by the way that we talk to ourselves so we might think that we have some kindness that for many of us the kindness we often show to others this is about reminding ourselves behind ourselves turning it inward and shutting down some of the harsh painting waves that we talk to our talk to ourselves after a misstep or after an incident or after a struggle or after some adverse event in our lives we tend to get really really critical and harsh and so one of the themes about being more compassionate is catching that when we're doing it and learning to talk to ourselves no more appropriate manner more kind manner Talking to Ourselves the way we would talk to a friend and then the bear asking is connectedness and on the connectedness section that says remembering that everyone makes mistakes and experiences difficulties at times and that we're not alone so the concept of connectedness is really about that last sentence recognizing that we're not alone on because many times when we go through an adverse event or we go through a struggle in our life or something pretty significant a loss or an upset we often will think wire why is this happening to us we often think I were the only one she'll connectedness is about reminding ourselves we're not the only one it's not about comparing we don't to get the two things mixed up connecting this is not about comparing connect this is a gentle reminder I'm not alone and struggle the struggle might be very individualistic and personal to me but slowly myself down and recognizing that people have been in struggle as well and I'm not the only one going through struggle I might not even be the only one going to zap particular struggle but again I don't have to toss them out without having actionable steps so this is just kind of a teaser or trailer so to speak now let's go ahead and see what is actionable steps are in when I explain the actual steps they can be used for yourself but they're also something that you can roll out in the classroom rather be face-to-face or on Zoom a different type of virtual platform of any of any kind I'm so so that's really what we going to be looking at it just for you only you can use it with your family can use it with your class and whatnot here we go the very first one mindfulness versus over-identification now over identification is what we typically do how our brains work when something goes wrong we over identify with some of the thoughts and feelings that go along with whatever went wrong we start over identifying really become super connected to the feeling of anxiety to the feeling I worry to the feeling of loss to the stealing of Meza you know I messed up to the feeling of failure in the thoughts that go along with that oh I'm so stupid I can't believe this happened or why me so what we do minutes we over identify with the thoughts and feelings that are going along with an event or situation I'm so what we want to do is we want to step out of over identification we want to go back into a mindfulness centered play so one way that we do that is we have to remind ourselves we need to avoid extremes and so he can kind of picture of Continuum here right and on one end is the extreme of running away negating the situation is happening pretending that it's happening pretending I mean pretending that's not happening pretending that everything is going to be okay so that's one extreme where you're suppressing that you're not recognizing it you're no identifying the difficulty that's going on right now and instead you're running away from it right but on the other end of the Continuum some people get Zoe mashton over identified with the feelings of whatever's going on did they get swept away like a giant way whatever they're feeling right intense sadness intense anger they become part of that feeling and they get swept away almost unable to see everything else that's going on around them and so what we want to do is we don't want on either end of the Continuum we own in the gate it and suppress it and and run away from it because I can't see that that's happening whatever that is right so we don't to be on that end of the Continuum but we are going to be on the other end of the Continuum mindfulness helps right here in the middle and so one way to be mindful is to remind yourself hey I don't want to run away with this I don't want to run away from this and kind of pretend that it's not happening but I also don't want to get swept up by this whatever this is so right now the current moment I don't get swept up with some of the extremes about covid-19 if I just go out there and ignore all of the precautions should have been told to us so so we don't want to be on the extremes right you want to come right here somewhere in the middle and mindfulness so the first step is reminding ourselves with the are extremes right got to know that they're there so step away from them so we don't want to pretend that it's not fair we we do want to acknowledge we want to acknowledge that were you know we're going back to teaching and it's not necessarily as we had planned so we don't wanna pretend that everything's going to be Rosie Grace don't pretend but also don't get so swept up in it you can't even see yourself coming out of it you can't even see yourself using healthy skills when you get swept up in it so we said what we want to do we really want for this mindfulness and one thing that will help a national Bowl stuff is to let ourselves know that I can be present with painful feelings right mindfulness allows us to be in the moment with painful feeling and that might sound awful but I'll explain how it can come to a healthy end relatively soon in just a moment so what we want to do is we don't want to struggle with a suite on a struggle with them instead what we want to do name it to tame it that comes from Dan Siegel this whole concept of naming it to tame it so what are feelings that you're experiencing what you want to do is you want to name it right all you know I'm stealing this way I mix this feeling I'm experiencing that feeling name it to tame it don't hurt feelings keep coming down the hallway and overtaking you the research shows that when we actually name the feeling and it has a better chance of eventually dissipating so we distance we don't want to struggle with it right we don't want to see the feelings or thoughts coming down and then struggle with it so much that we lose sight of what's happening in that moment we lose sight of what's happening in that day that week or that months right so I want to see out of the struggle and one way to do that is the name is attainment another way to do that is an exercise called expansion this actually comes from Doctor Rush Harris who helps us understand acceptance commitment therapy. act acceptance commitment therapy often referred to as axe the axe model and he teaches us this wonderful skill that allows us to be present with our feelings are difficult thoughts without struggling and it's called expansion and there's four steps to expansion one is to observe it which is very similar to Dan Siegel statement name it to tame it and so you kinda want to come so observe whatever thought is is is rolling around in your head regarding this event this unfortunate event or whatever you're struggling with in the moment and so you want to name it is stealing name that feeling actually name it to tame it so we want to observe identify name it so it has a name cuz if you don't name it can become anything and it can sharpen it just in golf your life so the first step is observe it right observe it identifier name it then we want to take a breath we really want to breathe what we know through research is that when we start to get stressed or overwhelmed we don't breathe like we should we actually limit our breath intake will sometimes another type of I take too much air in it will take a lot of shallow breaths for some of us and see what we want to do is want to take some nice healthy breasts because that calms our system down to can really, our entire nervous system down and that's what we want because remember we have Painful thoughts and feelings it comes let it in let it in for many of us they activated our nervous system into the first thing that we want to remind ourselves that we've identified hey I'm struggling right now this is Ross or this is awful feeling as soon as we ain't it that I want to breathe to help calm my nervous system down and there's lots of breathing activities out there we want to create space this is the Supreme four of expansion are really are really important creating space is creating space for that thought or that feeling create a little bit of space there right and then allow it to be just allow yourself to be in the moment with that thought so Francis really rough day name it to tame it you see on the bottom of the screen here named it this is rough don't candy-coated don't try to do a lot of future talking about how many different or better it may indeed be better and different but you want to be able to handle the emotional upset right now and so name it to tame it observe it yes what's happening right now is really rough this is rough take your breasts in do your exhales or even right and then create space for that feeling of roughness and allow it to Simply Be one way that this helps is the kind of picture whatever the feeling is give it a color give it some con text if it's some substance in so I have a blue blob on the screen and so that's for me sadness right and so as I'm going through a difficult time in my life and released and I'm trying to trying to recover and heal feelings of sadness or going to come rushing in I see them coming down the hallway quite often I recognized them I see them I have a couple of options you know I can Tango with it and struggle with it and and and then before I know I have lost all this time I've lost all this Focus or I can name it to tame it right this is sadness feeling sad and I'm going to go ahead and give it an imagery right so that I can start to breathe around it and so Russ Harris talks about this this wonderful technique in a book called the happiness trap many pictures this is expansion technique and one of the things that he doesn't shares that idea concept about giving it a color and so for me a blue blob is really representative of sadness and so what I'm going to do is send me a picture that Blue Block right and that blue image and let me breathe around where I can actually see myself breathe and giving the blue blob sadness some room some room so I don't have to get swept up by it I don't have to get knocked over by it I'm going to let it have its face cuz it won't stay for long will talk about that so I'm going to breathe and so expansion techniques many times involves imagery or I'm going to picture whatever feeling so for some of you might be anger it might be upset and my disappointment going back into the classroom with all of these end phones that can be anger and disappointment all together right and so if you can you see that feeling coming down the hallway and towards you and remember I can come many times a day I think I many times a day what you want to do is observe name it to tame it breathe and when you breathe sometimes it's nice to create some imagery giving that feeling some space give it some space allow it to be and you be present with it you don't have to get down on and wrestle with it right and that's what many of us do you see this feeling coming our way and I will get down on the mat and try to make it not happen and you're not going to take over and I don't want to be sad or I don't want to be angry or I don't want to be with the word and so we're wrestling on the mat with this emotion and and we have all kinds of other spots now that are tied to it and before we know it we look up and we realize we've lost 20 minutes because we're wrestling with this feeling or wrestling with the thought maybe we're wrestling with the thought that I'm going to be a horrible on Virtual classroom I at it it's going to go awful until you've got all these storylines and now you're in the mat wrestling with these thoughts wrestling with the doing this well in so with acceptance commitment techniques we need to remind ourselves we do not have to get on the mat and wrestle with the thoughts and feelings that we experience we don't have to do that there's actually more healthy away which is just you identify it and give it to space because it won't remain with us long and here's what I mean with it not remaining with us long you can look up this neuroscientist Jill bolte Taylor she actually did an enormous amount of research on the lifespan of an emotion and so here's something really interesting the lifespan of the motion is typically about 90 seconds and she writes about it and she titles at the 92nd and so what that means is that whatever emotion that we're having when it comes on its own when we when we don't wrestle with it when we don't give story to it it will eventually dissipate around 90 seconds how long in Emotion will last with many of us that's 90 seconds unless we put a story to it the moment we put a story to an emotion it anchors in and grows Roots here's an example I know you zip code example all of a sudden I start feeling a little bit worried you know maybe I'll watch the news or I heard something or someone posted something and I read it and I start to worry and try to be a little scared is just over the scary and everything is going on is very difficult and so my worry really heightens many times we are built to give a story to it and so here's the story that we put to it oh my gosh you know this is never going to end the numbers are going to go up and up and up you know what's going to happen soon am I going to be able to buy food at the grocery store are we going to be out again am I going to be able to secure toilet paper is that going to be an issue am I ever going to be able to see my family again are they going to be able to come over for a Barbie am I ever going to be able to go out with friends again am I ever going to be able to go in a restaurant again oh my gosh this is so horrible this is never going to end I'm never going to connect with people I'm never going to live the life you live a life that I would enjoy living I just I miss I miss him people in my life and I and I and I want to see them and I miss being with the kids at school and that's never going to happen as a teacher again alright so it's Todd what you've done is the feeling of worry was coming down the hallway and you took it and you gave it a storyline and the storyline can go on and on and on and on so what you did is you gave the feeling anchor and you allowed it to Route so we don't want to do that the 90 second rule says that if we go back to Simply going wow I'm feeling really worried I'm feeling really worried identify it name it to tame it breathe take your breasts give it space no storyline don't give it a storyline right give it space and eventually what will happen to will dissipate it does not mean that it won't come visiting again because those of us that do struggle with worry doesn't mess they are a little anxious we're going to see where we come down the hallway several times a day and so you can have to do this exercise several times a day don't give a backstory to it that's when a ceiling is allowed to grow and fester and before you know it you spent hours really stuck in this in this Loop helping that feeling anchor and tie itself tightly to you and now you're Swept Away by and you can't see your way out so what we want to do is we want to remind yourself of the 90 second rule most emotions come and go they dissipate rather quickly but you have to give them space you have to do it in a healthy way and one way to do that would be the practice that expansion technique that I fit up on that screen few slides ago and if you wanted to read more about that once again you could read the happiness trap really easy book to read and it talks about the expansion technique and other ways to to do the Spanish expansion technique and then you know what this up to look up second rule that's it as a species the way that were built our emotions come and go the only time they stay around is when we start giving it a storyline we start writing a full script and the script is a pleasant script right it's never thank goodness for covid-19 looks great and everything is wonderful and I'm at home and can sit and puzzles together that's exactly not what the 92nd rules about because we rarely talk nicely to ourselves It's usually the the feelings and thoughts that we struggle with that we give a heavy script to or a heavy storyline 2 I want you to be able to practice that and this is a really easy thing to teach your students rather be on Virtual stream our face-to-face letting your students know it's when you've had a storyline to it that those feelings stick around and they start to rule you start to rule and dictate everything that's going on in that moment in that day and sometimes the next day but we also want to look at is if we can name our emotion as closely and indirect it as it is meaning not just kind of guess at the emotion but really drill down and figure out what the emotion is the closer that we can name that emotion more accurately the more easier it will be to dissipate so when we say name it to tame it you have to really named it accurately so something to remind ourselves is that what we say were angry anger is a secondary emotion meaning it came from something else anger is a secondary emotion it is always born from a Primary Emotion so when you named your emotion you can name anger you can but if you have the ability to drill down a little bit further and ask what emotion what feeling gave birth to anger you're going to help it dissipated a faster and so this is a slide just to remind ourselves anger is a secondary emotion look down deep in the lava and see what are the other emotions that gave birth to it what are the primary emotions that gave birth to it and you can see on the screen there is a number of them you got helpless and fear and embarrassment disappointment unsure a lot of you that are struggling right now getting back into the classroom I'm sure you've had the majority of those feelings you've had fear helpless right disappointment unsure even some shame shame shame that maybe you're not up on your Virtual Technology skills because I was never what you intended ever to use that wasn't platform right so you might have a little bit of Shane you might even have a little bit of jealousy or guilt that other people seem to be maybe more well-versed in their it skills as they move forward in the virtual classroom do you have to recognize what the true binary motion is and then you're going to have a better chance of accurately naming it to payment and a better chance of dissipating it so just remember you can name anger but when you are ready go a little bit deeper and see what else is under their name the price Play Motion it helps the skillset go go better and more effective now I put this on here it's a video and I'm not going to show the video now due to time constraints but I want you to watch it on your own on at the end of this presentation or anytime that works for you this is actually a video with dr. Russ Harris and this is a 3-minute video It's called The Sushi Train metaphor and it's just a another metaphor a small 3-minute video to show you you do not have to join in with your thoughts you do not have to join in with your feelings you can simply give them space So eventually they dissipate you don't have to get on the mat and wrestle with them you don't have to adopt them and so it's just a short 3-minute video to give you another take on it how you can simply watch those thoughts create space for them and let them go watch those feelings create space for them and let them go you do not need to get down on the mat and wrestle with them and lose your precious time in the air now to be honest many of us have sat at a table with family members and we're in in our head we are wrestling with a certain thought or feeling so we weren't even present we weren't even present at that dinner table your grandad was at the table and your your auntie was at the table and and your kids are at the table but you might not have been fully present that's cuz you were on the wrestling mat with a thought or certain stealing and so you see how Rob this even in the very moment we might not be present with the people that we are right there within the same room so we can do better we can do better we don't have to wrestle with those emotions and their sauce you can come back out and be present in our current life that's much more healthier and it affects our nervous system in a way that we want we wanted to be as well as it can especially as we undergo these current stressors and struggles now he 2nd Theme for self-compassion going to check our time real quick doing really good 31 minutes in so remember this phone recording so you can stop and take a breath here we go this our second self-compassion Kristin Neff brings to us with a considerable amount of research itself kindness versus self judgement what we do naturally as we self judge we also judge others we're pretty that as a species what we want to do is we want to show that judgment down to figure out how do we treat our self with care and understanding much like we would treat a good friend with Karen understanding if they were going through a struggle so if they were telling us about an upset or something that they were going through some type of loss some type of situation in their life some type of adverse situation we would typically respond to them with care and understanding sofa any of us we talk kinder to our friends than we do to ourselves what we want to do is be able to have actionable doable steps to catch up on that and so one thing that you want to do is just in general ask yourself the question to yourself how do I talk to myself when I mess up right how do I talk to myself and I mess up and I'll be the first to acknowledge I don't talk to myself so kindly when I mess up as matter fact I have a lot of old scripts in my Ed just plowing through and I can be so negative and harmful to myself in my own speech my internal speech and so I often have to practice this how to say I have to have to ask myself wait how do I talk to myself when I mess up I talk to myself and in a way that would not support Wellness I talk to myself in a way that would not support me and moving forward and healing so now I've got to slow it down and really do something different so I mentioned you know these are some things that some of us stay to ourselves I'm so dumb or what an idiot why did I even try and so on so those things that we say to ourselves in order to be more kind to ourselves we might have to do some more questioning this is an actionable step we have to question ourselves do I have a desire to alleviate my own stuff right right if you don't you have to work on that first before you can move to kindness you have to check in with why don't I believe that I have the how to alleviate my suffering why do I believe that I have to be in suffering where did that come from so for some of us we have to dismantle that for some of us when they have been taught that the only way we can be a good person is to suffer the only we can show how much we are great or how might how good we are is is to allow ourselves to come to be stuck in the suffering or the struggle and that's actually it's not healthy at all we have to develop a true desire to alleviate our own suffering so this actionable step is for you to for you to take a look do you feel that you have the right to end your suffering do you still the right fit you have the right to heal and recover and come out of an upset come out of a really rough time come out of a really difficult time and so you need to work on that right and I kept this Mantra up here I deserve to invest in myself I am worthy of Love growth and healing so if you're asking yourself a question do I desire to alleviate my own suffering and if that answer is no then you have to work on that first before you can actually the second theme of self-compassion work from Kristin Neff work on recognizing by merely being born that is your Birthright you are worthy by merely being born you are worthy many things will happen in strip away yourself or individuals will come into your life that will do things rather purposeful or not they might not even know that they're doing it and it starts to erode at yourself worse so you have to get to a place where you recognize will await slow down stock I am worthy merely by being born I am worthy and so what do I need to do to protect and cultivate that worthiness so that I can remind myself that when I'm suffering and when I'm hurting I have the light to alleviate it I do not have to sit in it and some believe it'll make me a better person and that some great lesson will come out of this know I have the right to get to get hustling right away to get working right away to alleviate suffering so in order to be kind you've got explored at worth and you have to build that worse if you don't can't do the second component of self kindness which is you know moving forward and comforting and soothing yourself there are times that as a therapist I have taught a client a fantastic shooting skill a fantastic comforting skill but I'm just so over-the-top with the skill I'm I'm pleased with I taught them that man looked at me in and they said I understand the shooting practice that you're teaching me Jen I get it in session or able to explain to me that they understand it and then it come back in a week or two and I asked them how how he'll when you know that self-soothing in that comforting skill and then they tell me they didn't engage with them at all they didn't use it and they tell me that they have been struggling and suffering since we last saw each other it's all each other that's because they didn't do the first part and I failed to miss II filled the CD that they need some help cultivating the first part which which is you deserve to alleviate your own suffering let's work on building up that desire so that you can desire to alleviate your own when your hurting because you are worthy you are worthy to heal and recover and to step out of hurt and then once we do that you can hold out all kinds of skills all kinds of sub soothing and comforting skills you know I I I I put this little grass graphic up here and it it's just a simple couple of distress tolerance skills you know when we're going through something really distressing right it's a one of it is change your body temperature right can help you cool down both emotionally and physically right you just changing your body temperature when I'm working with kids at school that's usually involves me walking them to a water fountain and getting them drink a water fountain you know how when you're at school there's always one water fountain that is really cool it's colder than all the others and if for some reason and some of your school's you got one water fountain that tastes like hot tap water it's it's usually it feels like a Spas coming out of there but anyway I know where the cool water fountain is in your environment is it that one way that I get kids to kind of calm down is I get that cool water in them and it helps regulate the nervous system it shocks the nervous system and gets them back to the hearing another one is some intense exercise right getting some oxygen flowing flowing through the body and we can do that in a lot of different ways intense means different things for different people so for me at age 49 + 10 is me going for a walk I don't need to run I don't need to do any of that just going for a nice heart healthy walk is intense for me so you figure out what your intensity level is but really what's happening is your opening up his oxygen inflow and that can help you de-stress right paced breathing therapist are notorious for teaching breathing all the time slow deep breathing really getting that nervous system realigned and back on they also have muscle relaxation there's lots of different skills I'm sorry lots of different practices around muscle relaxation so you see how simple how little these four tips are so this training in the mountains for tips here's what this whole slide is about you can't do any of those things or you won't do any of those things very well if you don't believe that you have the right to alleviate your own suffering so in order to be kind you have to have two of the component not only the skill set but also the belief that you have the right to alleviate your own suffering and so what that means is when you head back into the classroom rather be the virtual classroom or face-to-face classroom and when it's been really difficult and you suffered on that Zoom platform on that technology platform are you suffered in the classroom you have to be able to exit knowing that you are worthy to alleviate it that you're able you're worthy to alleviate your suffering then you can open up your toolbox and grab out whatever skills have been put in there rather they be by you reading self-help books Rather Be by you actually looking at these four tips right here rather be by you doing an internet search on coping his arms are stress-reducing mechanisms are comforting and soothing mechanisms and so once again you have to believe that you are worthy to alleviate your own suffering that's how we can become kind ourselves then we'll use a self soothing skills and comforting skills and so that client that I mentioned earlier in the example I should have stayed longer with that client to explore they believe they have the right to alleviate the suffering then we could have rolled out and they would have been adopted much easier so that's all related to the self kindness peace if we're going to be very very honest some of us still struggle with talking time kindly to ourselves we might be talking to ourselves and ways that were planted early on when we were children you know by teacher themselves you know I can remember I had a fourth grade teacher that was pretty harsh and pretty critical and pretty demeaning in Her speech and sometimes when I struggle or I have a mess up I actually can hear my inner voice say similar things that she had said in the past and so for some of us we have scripts or seeds that were planted very deep and they come out during our difficult times when we need help to counter those seeds that have been planted when we need help to counter and hush those scripts that are in US we might need to reach for an external resource because maybe it's not enough to do it internally internally would be me saying hey Jen will well are you hearing how you're talking to yourself you're not talking to yourself very kindly right now you're actually being very Nicole you're being very harmful and that's not okay so that's internal there are times and days were internal is not enough their times and days were internal is not enough we have to reach outside of our cell and bring in an external help an external feature these are two free apps when is called insight timer and when is called The Calm app now both of these have an element that you can pay for they have they have an app that you can pay for it in the beginning the free one is offered first so I would never advertise for you to go and pay for something unless you have a money tree growing in the backyard then pay for anything you want but most of us don't we're we're we're saving and watching our money and whatnot so only go on and get the free one insight timer and call Matt here's why I would like you to use those they are external sources and there are number of sessions on both of these apps both of these free apps that can talk to us in a kind way there actually set up like that and I listed one here on insight timer they have a speaker on their name Serebii and she has a number of talking sessions anywhere from 6 minutes to 20 minutes where she is actually talking to you in a kind way she's an external voice helping you learn how to be kind to yourself so if you are listening to this presentation right now and you can admit you get stuck in a really negative feedback loop and you talk awful to yourself and it's not enough just to tell yourself to stop internal it's not enough then you need to reach for something external I would really like you to try these two on both of these apps by the way they have an emergency calm down an emergency talking sessions kind of  I really urge you to explore it but in regards to the theme of self-compassion start to listen to one of these people on his apps that will help give you the words for self-care for me Sarah blondin works when I put her on and I listen for a 6 minutes 7 minutes I'm actually in bedding and peppering my scripts with her words that are full of kindness and worse because that might not have always been naturally in me and so I need an external assistant in this is one of them so I really urge you to do that once again this is all recorded if you want to now you can stop and explore those those so internal kindness external kindness either way bring it in figure out how to talk kind to yourself versus so harsh and critical and just make this a question but you ask yourself once in awhile just randomly you know when is the last time you said something kind to yourself for clients that I work with I actually get them to put this in their calendar and their phone on random dates you can pick sometimes random date she knew every second day of the month and when it pops up on their calendar it's this question you know what when's the last time you said something kind to yourself what that does is that reminds them of all the work that we've done together and sessions it reminds them oh yeah in order to achieve wellness and handle difficult times I have to have the ability to speak time to myself this is just a reminder be careful how you were talking to yourself because you are listening and we talked harshly grab onto this harsh things and we hold on to them and we actually use them as Weaponry against us we use them as Weapons against us against ourselves so we need to step out of that we check our time actually doing very well on time I would. 16 minutes left and so what I'm running us into now is our very last step then again this is all in at The Compassion self-compassion umbrella the more the more that we practice in three phases of self-compassion and the more easier we're going to get through this upcoming school year and the less card we're going to come out of it I'm cuz I don't want a candy coat things that's going to be a rough year are you already know it's some of you already ended up the year when we were going into covid-19 review bless your heart have done summer school and so you are in the thick of it all through the and so we're going to go into some more difficult times so we want to adopt all three themes of self-compassion so we come out less card so here's our very last one common Humanity vs isolation we're trying a lot about this one because isolation is pretty heavy right now since it is an aspect of so what we want to do is we want to remind ourselves common Humanity isn't about being fit likely present with another person that is wonderful when we can do that but that's not what kind of humanity is in this turn the research is letting us know the common humanity is about reminding ourselves that we're not alone in struggles or upset or sadness that might visit us that that is something that happens Too Many Humans we have to remind ourselves that we're not alone because when we fail to do that we actually trigger and activate panic in our body panic and throughout our nervous system when we begin to think that we're isolated and that we're on our own but we're the only one that has ever experienced this much worried that were the only one that has ever experienced or this much gif and we have to remind ourselves we're not we are part of the human existence and others have experienced it as well maybe two different issues or different struggles but we all I have experienced dark thoughts have emotions and we're not alone and so we don't want to activate the panic in our nervous system we don't want to activate that I thinking we're the only ones so seeing one's own expecially as part of the largest human experience versus trying to identify it as not normal what's not normal how anxious I am it's not normal how how worried I feel when in reality how to get away from the whole concept of normal instead let's answer it's actually which is this is kind of typical this is typical there are other people that are experiencing some of this right now and so this is typical when might want to do is figure out what has worked for other people just in case it works for me too if I find out that there's a colleague that is going through something similar in her classroom that I'm going through I might ask you know what are you doing. To handle the situation I might learn sing from her I would never ask if I didn't accept that there's this common Humanity between us if there's as common experience but the moment you resolved yourself that we all have these struggles in one way or another it allows us to reach out and go hey what his work for you and sometimes that will help and sometimes you're the helper you know that teacher might be coming to you and saying how are you handling virtual classroom because I'm really frustrated I'm struggling as a teacher this is not what I signed up for I get nurtured by being in the presence of student and now I'm not in the presence of students I'm in the presence of my computer and it's much harder what are you doing to handle this so remember when we have common Humanity more open to talk about our struggles in to see what is working for other people but we're also more open to letting other people know what works for us so we want to go to this common Humanity place when we recognize that life is perfect and that we all are in perfect it lets us know there's no reason to isolate there's no reason to hit the panic button it lets us know oh my gosh there's so much in Perfection and right now there's a Perfection happening and it's being on it's on blast right now so we want to recognize the imperfection because if we don't then we start to isolate and believe that we are the only imperfect one here that all these other teachers are handling going back to the classroom quite well or that all these are the people in my family unit are handling this loss quite well and in so what we start to do is we we believe that were the only imperfect one and that causes that panic button right and we don't want to do that so the whole concept of common Humanity can be summed up like this just reminding us we're not the only one so you know something little is there ever been a time where you're running into a meeting or an IEP student study team or 504 you know and yes you'll Rush In And you spill your coffee on your shirt and so then you start talking negatively why is this happen to me I can't believe it I'm such a slob this is unbelievable need to slow down right away because what you're doing is a lot of critical harsh talk and if we're going to be factual people are slobs they still stuff on them themselves all the time as a matter fact I'm sure you've been in a 504 plan meeting or a a meeting where you could look across the table and some of the other people there and they have stuff stuff on their shirts you know that they went for Mexican food during lunch time because they're wearing the salsa on the shirt so it's not about comparison this isn't about comparison is about remind turn yourself I'm not the only one that has ever stilt on myself I'm not the only one that had to go to a meeting or presentation with food or coffee on me I'm not alone in this way we don't activate this panic button the panic button is in all of us it it's it's part of our our makeup at as a human species because back in the back in our early time to be kicked out of the tribe or did you pick that kicked out of the the heard whoever we were with trying to survive a back in cavemen days whatever that was like the worst thing that could ever happen to us would be to be kicked out of that pot that activates the panic button the reason why that's the worst thing is you don't have a great chance surviving you have a better chance of surviving when you're with a herd with when you're with a group when you're with the tribe you have a greater chance of surviving the moment you are booted out it activates all kinds of panic those experiences are still in us epigenetically so they are still with us and so that's a leftover button that can be pushed and so that's why we want to remind yourself I'm not the only one that's ever spilt coffee I'm not the only one that has ever gone through this I'm not the owner many people have struggled with this that get you back into the heard that get you back into the tribe mentality, Humanity would even go for something a little bit more significant than spilling coffee on your shirt going through a break going through a separation going through a divorce many times when this happens. Had lots of clients sit across from me and say how could this happen why did this happen why me what did I do wrong how come we couldn't make it and so we're really starting to look at it like it's just me thing will if you look at the divorce rate it is not it Just You think when you look at the separation rate it is not adjust you thing and again it's not about Harrison's is about reminding yourself you're part of humanity, Humanity so you do not activate the panic button in you because the more you go down the road of why me it's just me this only happened to me you are actually throwing off your nervous system you're creating Havoc you are ravaging all the internal mechanisms that would help calm you you are actually ravaging them and not allowing them to it's a one way to allow them to work is, Manatee remind yourself you are not the only one then you might want to reach out and figure out hey how did you handle when you had a separation how did you handle when you had a loss how did you handle when you had a death in the family how did you get through it back to in the only one so you want to really bring yourself at 2, Humanity do not activate any Panic do not kick off your nervous system because then you end up not thinking clearly you end up fight flight or freeze and many times making decisions and choices they aren't exactly what you had wanted or didn't pan out the way you thought they would and so you really want to slow down go back to Common Humanity start to reach out and ask hey how did you handle this or be part of a group as people process how they are handling it right so don't activate that that prehistoric panic button that's in all of us so we are as we wrap up right right on the hour and it's a reminder about self-compassion so you have these free themes that I want you to remember going into this school year be more mindful easy internet search on mindfulness practices but I actually gave you some actionable doable steps expansion was one of them naming it to tame it in yourself to the moment but there are thousands out and so what you want to do if you want to bring him some more mindfulness don't end up on the extremes don't try to negate it pretend it's not happening but also don't get swept up by it don't get swept up by the tsunami of emotions right and you're swept out to sea and it's so much trying to get back instead practice mindfulness where you get right here in the middle of the Continuum it's safer here in the middle that's what we want to do in the next self kindness start watching yourself how you talk to yourself especially is she going to whatever type of classroom is going to be coming our way watch how you are talking to yourself and turn around and teach this to your colleagues and turn around and teach this to your kids because you're going to have a lot of kids if when we're online we know that we have students that are talking to themselves how stupid am I I am not able to follow along and not getting this our children that have any form of add or ADHD are really struggling with zoom platforms it's really hard pretend it's really hard to focus and then at the end of a zoom session while some early research is letting us know that they're just sitting back in their chair going I'm so stupid I didn't hear what the assignment was I'm not even sure what I should be doing right now because they were attending to all of the kind of elements that were on the screen that they were looking at you know such as you know why is mrs. Johnson's hair so long it's never been that long right what's that in the background does she have a cat is that a cat so they're attending to all these other. hotels in so they're really struggling and they talk to themselves awfully they talk to themselves in the awful way so remember if you can remind yourself to talk to yourself kindly you can turn around and help your students do that as well nothing good can come of talking harsh and critical and mean to yourself as a matter fact you cause a lot more future harm in the very last one you're not alone whatever feeling is visiting you it has visited others whatever thoughts have visited you during whatever situation you're going through it has visited others you are part of common Humanity you are in perfect so is the entire Tire human Xperia is imperfect and so do not shy away from that stay connected to Common humanity and do not isolate in your thought process I know we have to isolate to keep herself safe but then there are ways to reach out to friends and what not be a zoom in phone and we have to be more of that but that's a separate topic altogether connectedness here is about reminding yourself you are not alone in whatever thoughts or feelings that you're struggling with you're not alone alright remember these three steps this is for you I hope this is nurtured and nourished you in some way all those that are working in schools you are amazing and how Society is learning there be reflection about schools and all that you do. So please stay stay to yourself nourish yourself follow these three steps all right thank you my name is Jenn Johnson and I'm I'm glad you listened take care

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